Courage to Design Our Lives
I read an excerpt yesterday from a book called “Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life,” recommended to my partner by a friend. I’ve added it to my list and very much look forward to reading, because even from the title I can tell it gets at something underlying why I’m embarking on this journey.
The section I read briefly introduced the concept of innovating our lives (after aptly lamenting the gross overuse of the word innovate), which in itself resonated, though I usually refer to ‘designing my life’ instead. But what really got me excited—because I always get excited when I find language for things I couldn’t label before (my #2 hit with strengths finder is “Ideation”)—is a couple terms that get at why it’s so difficult to design our lives.
These are ‘moral imagination' and ‘moral courage.’
My limited understanding of the author’s view is that we often hear about the importance of imagination in creating products and systems. But when it comes to things like choosing a career path or a life path (if it’s even appropriate to separate the two), the world at large doesn’t so much value imagination. In fact, those of us fortunate enough to receive an education that in theory opens up all avenues, trick ourselves (or allow ourselves to be tricked?) into putting a box around our imagination of possibilities.
They call this a lack of moral imagination. Meaning that we still operate largely in line with a predominant morality of what an acceptable path looks like, how success is defined, and even the specific steps along the way. By extension, then, for anyone to make a different choice requires a moral courage to examine and possibly reject the prevailing sentiment in pursuit of one's own truth.
I find it fascinating as an individual (and I imagine I’m not alone in this) who is constantly in an internal argument between the voices representing what I want, what I believe is important, and what others believe is important. And, I think it becomes more and more relevant for societies overall as we have ever-larger megaphones, echo chambers, and forces of moral inertia.
Living and working in Tokyo for the last year and half has been an excellent demonstration of this for me. I’ve found myself in a world where making change looks like trying to model what’s already been done in countries like the US, and I can’t help but find it a bit funny that by looking to a model that is farther away we trick ourselves into thinking it’s genuinely new (let’s suspend for now the discussion of whether genuinely new is even possible). All the while, we lose sight of the fact that we’re still limiting ourselves to work within a whole architecture of preconceptions about what success for an organization looks like, what’s necessary for a business to survive, and what the rules of the game must be.
Even with a firm foundation of confidence, a pile of positive feedback, and faithful family and friends, I’ve found myself consistently needing to dig deep for the moral courage to express what my imagination sees as possible for people and for groups. And to be honest, while I have managed to adjust my circumstances with enough self intact to reconnect and rebuild and stay imaginative, my attempts to spread that moral courage have been largely a spectacular failure. So I really don’t mean to claim that I have the right answers, or even that right answers exist, but I believe there is an importance in the capacity to question. For if we are not able to change ourselves, how can we possibly change the world?
I guess the slippery thing about bringing our imaginations to the topic of designing our individual lives is that, when we try to apply it beyond ourselves as individuals, it becomes a process of capturing a collective imagination. Turns out that’s even more difficult, and (surprise!) isn’t something you can choose for other people. From this I’ve learned that my goal should not be to push the particular path that I imagine but, in sharing my own process, to demonstrate and help others cultivate the moral courage to find their own.
There are some very real and practical reasons why many people may never have the luxury for a lack of moral courage to be the only thing keeping them from a path less travelled. I hope never to forget this or the gratitude for the position I am in. Still others may find they are a perfect fit for a model that already exists, and that too is beautiful. And, it is also true that the human brain is miraculously good at providing excuses for why this or that can work for someone else but it could never work for me. So, we settle.
No matter who you are, or what your circumstances, you are probably capable of more than you think. One thing we consistently allow to go unnoticed or forgotten is the cost of not trying something new. It is easy to consider the risk of doing something unvalidated. I argue, however, that the cost of avoiding that risk is high—and every day we hide within the illusory safety of the usual way is a day we are paying that cost.
I’m making a commitment to practice the moral courage necessary to continue designing my life. It is a practice, and sometimes I will falter and retreat. And I will rely on the love of those close to me to give me strength. After all, it is easier to have courage for others than it is to have courage for ourselves.
But other times I will shine and give others courage as well. And together the courage we show in every small choice will carry us on the path toward designing lives of purpose.
Would you join me?
